Appeasement 2
Welcome back to the 1930s
At what point should we expect US citizens to start singing “Buddy, can you spare a dime” or dancing cheek to cheek?
Do I hear any takers for my Packard 745 or my Buick Marquette?
How about my dad’s old trilby or my grandfather’s fedora?
Forgive me for asking, but it appears the 1930s are back with a vengeance on the western shore of the Atlantic.
We began with tariffs, which, in the 1930s, did a fantastic job of ushering in The Great Depression and shutting down large chunks of the world’s economy.
Now it seems we have resurrected Appeasement, the peace at any price policy which gave such encouragement to Nazism and Fascism, resulting in more land grabs and eventually the Second World War.
Neville Chamberlain? Ha! Stand aside, loser. You may have invented the idea of excluding the victim from the peace talks, but you wait until you see me carve up the victim and hand over a fifth of their country without even a by your leave. You ain’t seen nothing yet. I am the great dealmaker. That means I make a great deal out of everything I negotiate.
Hey, all you dictators out there! Just invade your neighbouring peaceful state, commit innumerable war crimes, cover yourself in innocent blood, and then come and talk to POTUS about how you can keep your ill-gotten gains, take time to replace your expended arms and ammunition, and get ready for your next aggression! Because everybody wants peace, right?
And making peace is so easy if you give the aggressor everything he wants before the negotiations even start. Except it’s a bit of a nuisance, and not so good for my image, when he’s encouraged to demand more than he demanded to begin with.
You know what? We’ll forget that Russia and the US both guaranteed the sanctity of your neighbour’s borders thirty years ago. That was before I was President. Another one of the things that should never have happened, and therefore didn’t happen. We’ll just take your word for it that you have no more territorial claims in Europe. I mean, we know you broke your word several times already since that thing that never happened, but we’re willing to let bygones be bygones. We’re going to trust you if you promise not to do it again.
And don’t worry about being an indicted war criminal, because we don’t recognise the court that indicted you. Hell, I don’t recognise the courts that indicted me, or that try to stop me doing things I have every right to do, such as jailing my opponents, just like you. The judges are all biased and should be impeached, that’s what I say.
And don’t worry about our European, Japanese and Taiwanese allies. Who cares what they think? If they want defending, then they should pay 5% of their national income to defend themselves. Like we do. Or don’t? One or the other, I forget which. I have various methods of counting, and one of them will produce the right result. Then we’ll simply repeat the figure until everyone believes it.
We have to defend on two fronts, not just one, you know. But we have great big, beautiful oceans on both sides, so we really don’t need defending. Invading our neighbours, just like you, is another matter entirely. You do it, the Chinese do it. It’s only fair we should do it too. What’s that? Oh good, I’m glad you agree. Unfortunately Canada doesn’t want to join our federation, just like Ukraine doesn’t want to join yours. Ungrateful or what? You know what I mean.
Look, Vladimir, Just oblige me by not moving into the rest of Ukraine while I’m still in office, huh?
Don’t make me look bad, the way Adolf did to Neville.